Oozing Confidence

When someone asks you for prayer, what is your response? For me, I feel cared about. Someone desires to take their time to lift my name or requests before the God who cr eated us. Just the ask alone is meaningful, but what if you walked by this invitation daily? That is happening in one of our local middle schools. One of our FCA friends had the vision to bring hope into the hallways. This coach took a broken locker outside their classroom to use it as a beacon of significance. They wanted every student walking by to know someone wanted to pray for them by seeing the prayer request locker. When I talked with them about the prayer locker, I was encouraged. There are coaches, teachers, and influencers who are serious about bringing hope into this next generation. It is one thing to ask for prayer, but it is another deal to pray specifically for someone else, but that is what the middle school huddle does at the school twice a month. When they gather, they pray over their fellow peers? How amazing to know there are young people serious about prayer and who are habitually going to Jesus on behalf of their friends they sit in class with. Hearing this story not only encouraged me but challenged me. The challenge I had was, how seriously do I believe in the power of prayer? I meet with many people weekly, but if I am honest, I rarely ask those I meet with how I can be praying for them. If I know how much value I gain from someone asking me how to pray for me, I should enter all meetings with an attitude of encouragement so others may see Jesus through my request. How can I be praying for you? 

In my hometown, the varsity football game was a town event. The varsity field sat below the practice field, which was up behind the fan stands. There was a chain-link fence that boarded the practice field, whereas as a kid, I remember having my fingers clutching the chain-link to get a clear view of the varsity team marching down the field to score, all the while I was yelling for my favorite players. Not only were we watching, but we were active in our imagination playing out, with our youth football and our youth jerseys on the plays we saw on the field below. Nothing was causing us to stumble in imagining each of us as the ball carrier who scored the winning touchdown or the linebacker who forced the game-sealing fumble. Our imaginations were active; they flooded with the ideas of what could be without limitations. We were not shy to think the impossible because we hadn’t cursed by the wounds of failure, inadequacy, or self-doubt. We dreamed. As we grow up, we gain a more grounded relationship with the impossible because we realize our limitations, but in those limitations, Jesus calls us to be like a child. What does that even mean? Even as I write, I think how stupid to challenge the most significant leaders, pillars of faith, and adults who have seen a lot of life to be and imagine like children. But we need to return to the innocence of our youth. We must return to a time when we were not restricted by what we know but instead released into the infinite imagination space of God’s power. Our imagination will forever be capped by our perspective of the impossible. Let us return to the point when we trusted God to show up because we were not yet discouraged by the unanswered prayer. Once more, let us rejoice in the ability to play without worry because we haven’t been carrying the heavy yoke of responsibility for so long. Where does my imagination go? It will and continue to battle the negative thoughts that New York is a spiritual desert. If we allow our imagination to wander and ponder the question, ‘what is the best that could happen?’ Does your perspective shift? My perspective shifts to principals on their knees praying for their staff. I think of high school athletes gathering in clusters to pray. I imagine student sections at games storming fields to join prayer at the 50-yard line. I dream of every sport in Rochester to have a club/travel team option for athletes and coaches to have ongoing training and discipleship. We don’t imagine because the impossible has beaten us up too often. Our God has overcome the impossible and will continue to overcome it. For evidence, you don’t need to look any further than the empty tomb. When I was a young athlete looking down on the varsity game, I imagined myself as the ball carrier to score the winning touchdown. Now I am the adult looking over these fields seeing prayer announced over the loudspeaker, coaches leading athletes to Christ, and the future athletes changing the narrative that New York is spiritually dead. Because our God is greater, our God is stronger, and our God put the impossible to death so we can imagine.

I was sitting with a young college athlete this past week over lunch. We have been trying to meet weekly in the form of a discipleship relationship. I always love our time together because we talk about life, football, and faith. But this past time we met, it was a challenging conversation. He was explaining to me how he wasn’t where he wanted to be in his faith. Then he cited how he hasn’t been to church in weeks and hasn’t had quality time in scripture. As I asked questions and dug deeper, there was an internal question of what his priorities were. He was going out with friends and living the typical ‘college life’ while wrestling with the values he learned in church. I know he loves Jesus and believes, but I posed the question: Do you WANT to follow Jesus? Life carries a series of choices. If I choose to watch a show on Netflix, then the dishes won’t get done. If I decide to coach football, I sacrifice the ability to be a fully present husband and father. In the case of this young man, the choice was if I go out with my friends, am I genuinely following Jesus? Think of the story in the scripture found in Matthew 8, ‘Then one of the teachers of religious law said to him, “Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.” But Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens to live in, and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place even to lay his head.” (Matt. 8.20 NLT) Jesus is giving the religious teacher a challenge, and that challenge is, are you going to follow me when it is inconvenient, challenging, or competes with the world’s values? The challenge Jesus offered is one we should speak to ourselves. It is a test of honesty because if we cannot be honest with ourselves, we are in trouble. I asked the young man sitting across from me that day, “do you want to follow Jesus? Not because you think it right, or because your parents told you, or it is what you heard in church, but because you deeply desire to model your life after Jesus.” Since the start of the new year, I have been asking myself daily because it is vitally important for us to be honest about our priorities and where we are investing our greatest treasure, time. So, I ask you, my friend, do you want to follow Jesus? Even when it is hard, even when it isn’t convenient, or when you’re not passionate about it.

This week is the first week in 16 years I will not be on the football field. Football wasn’t just what I did; it was a significant part of who I identified as. Football has brought many fond memories from high school, where I found my passion and fell in love with the game, to coaching with a purpose beyond the field. But for every fond memory, there is a nightmare. The lesson I learned through this season is who I am is far greater than the sum of what I do. Last spring, I was overworked and over-stressed, but it was all by choice for the sake of keeping my passion alive. I love what I do in FCA, and my current role always got my best, but when football season came, I have a dark drive to be the best. Excellence is always my aiming point, but when it came to football, it was something I would sacrifice a lot to have the glorious title of ‘great coach.’ Little did I know the most critical practices in my life were happening without me present. I had an opportunity to impact the next generation through my influence on the field, but every hour I gave to someone else’s kids was an hour I robbed my own. We will have many choices in our life. It is often not whether to do the good thing or the wrong thing, but the option is good or great. Coaching football is not bad. We need quality coaches who know what to say both on and off the field. We need men and women with a whistle in their hands who command the next generation’s attention. For me, the good is coaching, but the great is to be the head coach of my home. God has uniquely called me to serve FCA staff not because I am qualified for the role but because it is the perfect marriage of my passion and proficiency. In this new season, I am choosing to lean into the great roles God has given me in my life. I have heard leaders saw the enemy of great is good, which sounds like a nice leadership bumper sticker, but how do we practically live this out. My encouragement to you would be twofold ask and listen to both God and a mentor. Join me in this season to lean from good and into great.

New interns often think they will get the unimportant tasks, the dirty jobs, or the work that no one else wants to do. At FCA we strive to do better with our summer internship program. We provide our interns with tasks and roles where they can jump right into the flow, share ideas, use their skills, and contribute to our team. This requires us to take the perspective of a servant leader. So, what does this look like? While in the office yesterday, I found myself standing at the whiteboard in our meeting room having a meaningful conversation with our interns about failure. Yes... failure! Failure is a concept I have learned to grow comfortable talking about. You see, without failure, where are the spaces for us to grow? If we are not comfortable trying new ventures that may result in failure, how will we reach new heights in our leadership capacity? Failure and servant leadership go hand in hand. First, servant leaders need to become comfortable with failure. Their relationship with failure must include a growth perspective. Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.” I don’t think he was suggesting for us to take shots for the sake of taking shots. He was talking about developing a growth mindset in the context of failure. With every new attempt, idea, venture, or experience, servant leaders give their best because they know the other side of failure is growth. Leaders can let the growth potential be more motivating than the fear of failure. Second, servant leaders need to normalize failure. Great leaders create safe spaces for their people to fail. They do not shame failure; nor do they punish failure. Servant leaders reward effort and give feedback for growth. The normalization of failure does not create a culture where people feel more failure; the opposite occurs. People become resilient; they become creative problem solvers, and most of all they become humble leaders. Let us shift our perspective about failure and extend this type of servant leadership each day within our homes, our churches, and our places of work. We can provide our future leaders with safe spaces to develop humility, express ideas, take risks, and grow into their full potential.

I LOVE THE SPORT OF FOOTBALL... ...not just because I played it, but because it is the purest team sport out there. Great football teams know that the individual athlete is not the key to playing well. They key to playing well is a coordinated effort of 11 offensive and defensive players working together to achieve one goal. As a defensive coordinator, I coach young men through this concept each season. We talk about the principle of staying in our lane and trusting the coach to coordinate the entire team. This same principle applies to our spiritual lives. In 1 Corinthians, the church was experiencing divisions because they were following individuals, like Paul and Apollos, rather than Jesus. Paul challenged the church to keep their eyes on the goal of co-laboring with Christ by using a gardening metaphor. He said, “the one who plants and the one who waters work together with the same purpose. And both will be rewarded for their own hard work” (1 Corinthians 3:8). On the football field every player has a specific job - a run play or a pass play. If just one player does something contrary to their assignment, the highest goal cannot be achieved as easily. On defense this means there is a lower chance of stopping the offense for no gain, and for offense this means there is a lower chance to gain enough yards for a first down. Within Christ-centered communities, our highest goal is to grow in Christ likeness and reflect Jesus to others. We will achieve this goal when each of us chooses to focus on our God-given job on God’s team. So, how do we discern this job? We become learners of self. John Calvin once wrote, “Nearly all wisdom we possess, that is to say, true and sound wisdom, consists in two parts: the knowledge of God and of ourselves.” To uncover our job on God’s team, we must begin a journey of discovery to figure out our PASSION (what do I enjoy doing?) and our PROFICIENCY (what am I good at doing?). As we discover our position and job, we can lean fully into our identity on God’s team and resist the temptation to move out of our lane. Just as I place my defensive players in positions that are a good fit for their skills and talent, God will do the same for us so we can be an active contributor on His team!

ALL COACHES HAVE INFLUENCE, YET ARE ALL COACHES LEADERS? John Quincy Adams once said, “If your actions inspire others to dream more, do more, and become more, you are a leader.” In my playing career and through my position with FCA, I have had the opportunity to connect with many coaches and I can honestly say that I have met few who are by this definition leaders. This quote causes me to reflect upon some of my actions. In my many roles of influence, (husband, father, coach, supervisor, friend, etc.) do my actions inspire others to dream more, do more, and become more? When I was in high school my football career was capped by the skill I demonstrated on the field. I never once had a conversation with a coach to talk about my dreams or aspirations. We only discussed my goals for the current season. I would argue my high school coaches were great coaches but poor leaders. I have heard today’s coaches complain that they don’t know how to coach the current generation. Is it that they don’t know how to coach or that they don’t know how to lead? In my opinion, this is an epidemic! We have amazing men and women with immense influence and amazing coaching techniques, yet they have poor leadership skills. I believe most coaches have the desire to lead and see their athletes accomplish great things, they just lack the resources and guidance to develop as a leader. Through coaches’ huddles, clinics, and retreats FCA is working to fight this epidemic. We close the leadership gap through engaging coaches in genuine relationships, equipping them with the higher purpose and passion of Jesus, and empowering them to reflect the character of Jesus to their fellow coaches and athletes. FCA coaches can become great leaders that raise up the next generation to dream more, do more, and become more for the Kingdom! Thank you for all you have done and are continuing to do to make the vision of FCA become a reality! Please join me in prayer that we will see the impact of FCA multiplied in our region! Pray for an increase in staffing so we can strategically partner with more coaches. Pray for an increase in volunteers who are passionate about the mission of FCA and are willing to walk hand and hand with coaches on a leadership journey. Pray for opportunities for local coaches to hear and respond to the Gospel.

THERE HAS BEEN NOTHING TYPICAL... ...about any sports season this year. Every coach I speak to has described their season, or lack thereof, as the greatest adversity they have faced in their coaching career. But this past Tuesday night I was part of a special event that I want to share with you. I arrived at Penfield High School at 5:45 pm for a shovel party. Yes, that’s right...a shovel party. This is what the football coaches enthusiastically called a gathering of people coming together to shovel snow off the turf so we can have one of our preseason practices. To my surprise, it was not just athletes who showed up; it was fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, and even uncles. Everyone showed up with shovels in hand and a serving attitude. For an hour, our team of athletes expanded into a team of families and community members striving for one goal - to give our students a chance to play football this school year! It is amazing to me how such a small act of service can have such a profound impact. Just one hour of intentional time was multiplied exponentially into an impact of far greater proportion. I have thought about that night many times since and wonder how I can apply this idea of ‘intentional time’ across my life. Too often I find myself doing mindless tasks that serve no beneficial purpose. So, I am choosing to become mindful about my daily routine and intentionally repurposing or reclaiming my time. God has blessed each of us with just 24 hours in each day. With that time, we must fit in our large priorities like work, sleep, and meals. The challenge is in being intentional with the rest of our time. Will we opt into intentional time with our spouse? (I’m talking about pausing the Netflix show, holding their hand, and asking them, “How was your day?”) Will we choose intentional playtime with our kids? (Because play is the way to their heart!) Will we opt in for ‘shovel party’ opportunities? (Giving away our precious time so others can feel loved.) You don’t have to do it all at once, just start with one thing today!

HAVE YOU EVER... ...gone through a painful experience and thought, “Why God? Why?” I have asked God this question more times than I can count. The thing is, when I find myself on the other side of a tragedy, there is often someone in my life who is just beginning to navigate their own challenging or painful circumstance. I hope this story will encourage you whether you are at the beginning, in the middle, or just coming out of a tragedy. During a recent Friday morning coaches huddle, the typical crowd was logging onto Zoom when a local college Athletic Director’s name popped up in the waiting room. I do not know him very well and he does not attend very often, so I was excited to have him join our group. During the “catching up” portion of our meeting he shared with everyone about a recent tragedy - one of his students recently lost his life in a skiing accident. He said it was one of the worst weeks in his tenure. While he was talking, I had flashbacks to the time I was grieving the loss of my stepfather and my friends sat with me and gave me the space to process the big emotions I was experiencing. As I was actively listening, I could relate to the pain he was feeling, and I knew God was creating an opportunity for me to encourage and support him from this place of familiarity. It was time for some real, messy, life transforming ministry. “Don’t compare someone else’s middle to your beginning.” -Michael Hyatt I love this thought because it cuts right to the heart of things. When we are experiencing a tragedy, we want to move as quickly as possible through the pain. Most of us want to be further along in our journey, yet God wants us to be in the moment because He is there with us. He has purpose in the beginning, middle, and end of all our circumstances. I know it is hard. I know it seems like it will never end. In the bible, Job felt the same way. Through all his trials, Job never cursed God, but he wrestled with God as he went through much pain. In last chapter of the book of Job, it says “...the LORD restored Job’s fortunes and gave him twice as much as before.” (Job 42.10) I know some of us are wrestling through some deep tragedies right now. Stay the course with the Lord. Invite him into the moment. Find a trusted friend to process with. I pray at some point in the future you will look back and see how God will use this current pain to increase your capacity to love others and become a source of comfort.